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Almost doesn't count

By LuckyJimm

more by this author

I was a courier for four days seven years ago. I quit when I got lost and got a flat tire and went to pieces. These days I'm not quitting so easily. I need this job in ways I didn't need it before. So if a couple hours of each day are coping with adversity, when for so long I've had an easy yet totally unrewarding life, it's good for me.
 
My second day was a tougher than the first and I did less jobs, largely because mid-morning my saddle came off when the screw that fastens it to the seatpost snapped. I had two heavy jobs on board which had to be dropped off a long way away. (I was on New Oxford Street, and the jobs were to Finsbury Circus and Pennington Street). Heroically, I delivered both, by standing up all the time.

Then I told the controller I needed time out to sort my bike, and got myself to Brick Lane Bikes. Another problem: I had no money, and no way of getting any money. To my enormous relief, the guy there replaced the seatpost and put on a much better saddle (which was second hand, but had cost £70 new) and was fine about me paying tomorrow and will charge just £6.

I picked up a package from the 5th floor of one place where the lift was broken, then on the floor below darted into the toilet which was just across from the stairs. Some guy in a suit saw me go in there and chased after me to see who I was and what I was doing - perhaps he feared I was introducing his wife to heroin. I told him I'd just picked up a package and was getting a drink of water. He told me I should have asked and that it wasn't a public lavatory. "It's only water" I said.

I was broke again, and all I ate all day was two boiled eggs and an orange. Fortunately I'm getting money tomorrow.

The radio controller says I'm to tell him when I pick up a package, and then when I've delivered it, so he knows where I am and can get me to combine jobs if I'm in the area for another pickup. At first I was only calling in when I'd delivered, not when I picked up, but I've now learnt to do both. A couple times he told me off for speaking over other couriers (who I can't hear). The protocol is to say your number then wait for him to get back to you.

The jobs I did today were longer distances than yesterday. Having cycled in London for so long, I'm very comfortable weaving through traffic and know how to get from one place to another. But I don't know obscure street names so am using my A-Z a lot.

I paid attention to all the other couriers I saw out and about. I see a lot of them have small stub D-locks, which are very light and which they clip to the back of their shorts. They're not big enough to go round lamp posts, so I guess they lock the bike standing loose or against railings. I saw one female courier, a rare sight.

I'm knackered again now, but I'm sure it will get - kinda - easier. Last night somebody called me up and as I was talking I stretched and pulled my calf muscle and was in agony and had to hang up. Fortunately the pain soon went and I was fine today.
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It rained heavily for the first two hours of my third day, and the sky was an endless grey. I soon got soaked, since I've got no mudguards on my bike. My imitation Converse sneakers were so wet they squelched when I walked. I did have a waterproof top, at least, and I put on my gloves but they soon got soaked too. I actually could have done with glasses it was raining so much.

My first job was a pick-up from London Bridge and bizarre street numbering meant it took me a long time to find the place and I wasted time walking around in the rain. It was to be delivered to Victoria, a good distance in heavy rain. I think my brain got scrambled a bit since I went the long way around here, too. At the delivery address I made conversation with a friendly receptionist while waiting for the guy to come down, since I said I was too wet to go in.

Next job was a pick-up from the House of Commons. The policeman at the visitors entrance where I'd been told to go in knew nothing about it and told me to go to the post room. I walked back to my bike to find another policeman standing next to it inquisitively. I'd locked it to a lamp post by the crash barriers. You're not meant to do this. He told me the IRA had been known to put bombs in bikes. If I'd left it there longer they'd have cut my lock and taken it away. I tried calling my operator over the radio to confirm the pick-up address, but the radio kept cutting out. So the policeman helpfully went inside and called the contact number. He came back ten minutes later holding the package - I was at the right place after all - and told me what to ask for in future.

By now about two hours had gone, time wasted in the rain, looking at maps, and standing around. Fortunately then the rain cleared, the sun came out, and I had a pleasant afternoon and did a lot of jobs. There were some really fun rides, for example from Theobalds Road to Hoxton Street, and from St James Square to Cannon Street going all the way along the Thames. The furthest north I went was a photo studio near an estate in N1, De Beauvoir Town. As I was standing around checking my map, half a dozen teenagers on bikes quickly appeared out of an estate. One of them shouted "Move it!" but not in an unfriendly way.

My radio battery was dieing on me and by 4.30pm I couldn't transmit messages at all, so I had to phone him and tell him. He told me to do my last drop-off then come back to base. But as I was cycling near Marble Arch, my chain snapped! My drop-off was perhaps a mile and a half away in Covent Garden. I briefly had the comical idea of putting my bike in a cab, but decided to push my bike there instead and still made it before close of play. Then I limped home to the courier firm and got given a longer-lasting radio. I live in daily terror of my radio or XDA dieing on me since I'm so dependent on them. (Though if the XDA goes they can give you directions over the radio, and you carry a clipboard so you can get signatures on paper).

The controller told me I should be more brief when talking on the radio to conserve the battery, but that generally I was doing fine.

A very kind chap from the Gutshot who I only met this week (but who's a friend of my best friend there) generously said I could have his old Trek 470 racer, so then I took a taxi to his flat to pick it up. The bike needs the handlebars and saddle adjusted to fit me, both tires and tubes to be replaced, and some oil, but looks like a good bike and I'm very grateful of it. I'll ride it this weekend and decide which to use as my main bike.

I left both bikes locked up and got a taxi to Brick Lane Bikes five minutes before it was going to close. I paid the money I owed for yesterday and bought two tires, two tubes, and a chain link tool for fixing broken chains. The bikeshop owner gave me the 10% discount that they give to couriers. He told me the most important part of the job was staying on the right side of the controller. He said a very small number of couriers make £800 a week, but they're ones who get regular contract jobs which pay more.

Then another taxi back to the bikes. I was in a good mood and made conversation with all the cabbies today. Then I spent a long time trying to fix the chain but lacking the dexterity to do it.

A man and his girlfriend walking back from the pub stopped to ask if I had the right tools. The guy said he would help. He was very into bikes. His girlfriend went home. He couldn't fix it either -the newly-purchased tool was slightly wonky - so said he would go to his nearby house, pick up a better tool and come back. And he did! Well, that was fortunate.
 
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It was sunny when I left the house on my fourth day, so I wore cotton shorts. Yesterday my right trouser leg got ripped almost up to the knee so I think shorts are a better idea. Mid-morning I had a long, uphill ride from a Fleet Street law firm to a lawyer's house in north Islington. It started to rain as I set off and was still raining when I arrived, drenched through.

Around lunchtime I got a flat front tire cycling through a busy underpass along by the river. I don't even know if bicycles are allowed through it, but it's pretty scary and the air is disgusting. As I came out the other side and noticed my flat tire, a hailstorm started. I turned my bike over on the side of Victoria Embankment and used the spare tube I had in my bag. I have performance anxiety about bike repairs but managed to fix it pretty quickly. The hail had now turned to rain, and as I cycled along the Strand I heard thunder overhead. At Westminster I saw a woman in a waterproof sending text-messages while holding a banner saying "Stop Climate Change!"

At my destination I found another courier had picked up my intended package, so I was given a couple of others. But I soon found my new tube had gone flat too, even though I'd checked the wheel for nails etc. The controller said it sounded like my wheel needed replacing. I asked for time out and cycled home with the flat front tire (which I think might have slightly buckled the wheel). I scoffed four fried eggs, and replaced the wheel with the one from the bike I was given the day before. But it's a racing bike wheel so slightly thinner tires and the breaks don't reach.

I cycled about a hundred metres before realising my back brake wasn't working either, so the only way I could stop would be by putting my foot to the floor or swerving. After about another half mile I concluded that this was not a good idea. Fortunately I had the tool in my bag to tighten my back brake (though it doesn't fit the front). So I was up and running again.

I had a very busy afternoon, keen to prove myself to the controller. I didn't finish work till 6.30pm and did loads of jobs. I was dead on my feet the last hour or so. I noticed how tired I was most when I stopped moving; getting going again was a struggle. My last jobs were around New Bond Street. I was a mess of dirt and sweat parting a crowd of privilege; but my endorphins were rushing so much I didn't care.

After my final job I turned the wrong way up a one-way street so I could swing into the courier  firm's side street. It's a distance of about 20 metres and to be honest I didn't know it was one-way. A taxi sped over the brow towards me, obviously seeing me but not braking at all, and I swung into the side-road just a foot or two from the front of the cab. The cabbie shouted that I was a ****ing freak, etc. I quickly cycled to the courier firm's office, but the cabbie had chased after me. In front of a couple of people from the courier  firm who were smoking outside (not controllers or the boss), he shouted at me that he knew life must be pretty **** as a courier , but if I wanted to kill myself I should just slit my wrists and not get in front of his cab. I said I was knackered, it was the end of the day, didn't realise it was one-way, he could have braked, etc.

When he left, one of the smokers said "It's been that kind of day. Everything's gone tits up. You almost got knocked over. This guy almost got knocked over" - and with that, he pointed at another courier who'd just come out the office.

"Ah", said the other courier , "But almost doesn't count.